I have two things I'd like to share with everyone tonight, but I'm only going to bring up one of them now. My little rant on us, as a civilization, de-evolving will come later tonight or perhaps tomorrow. But for now I would like to talk about how we should be treating our fellow man. I can remember not so long ago when I worked at Barnes and Noble how there was this one guy Tim who I worked with, and I really thought Tim was a complete and total jackass. I openly treated this guy rudely, and someone had once even said that Tim had brought it up to them how I was so rude. Today, as I am still at work, this one girl is mad at me because I didn't go to an art show something or other she was having, and she's been acting in almost the same manner towards me that I acted towards Tim. Well of course it isn't enjoyable, to have someone sending waves of hate towards you, but I started thinking, that's pretty shitty if this is the way Tim felt; I shouldn't have acted that way towards him. Then I pushed my good-natured, positve-thinking, Oprah-watching, wussy conscience out of the way and actually thought, "Well realistically, I'll act nice towards him for a bit, but then he'll continue being his jackass self and piss me off, and I'll get fed-up with him again, and pretty soon I'll start being rude and ignoring him." To quote he book The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, "There are some people you like immediately, some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time, and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick." So really I suppose I can't blame this girl, since this isn't how she always acts towards me, but simply he just being mad at me. And to be honest, she has an attitude problem anyway (and I'm NOT saying that to be mean, just stating it as a fact.) So I suppose, in conclusion, act however you want towards people, as long as it's justified and you've thought it over. Give people a chance, and then if they let you down it's their fault, and then you have my permission to treat them like crap. ...unless the person you're thinking of treating like crap is me. Then don't be so harsh. Give me a break. Call me Nell Carter. ...congradulations to everyone who actually got that reference, you'll be getting your prize in the mail in 4-6 weeks. Alright, well I should get back to work. Just wanted to share with with...whoever the hell it is that actually reads this thing. Later.

Not only would I like to give props to all my friends who actually read this page...no, no! I'm giving them MAD props!

So here's how I figure my marriage (if and when it happens) will crumble:
I'll come down to the kitchen one morning for breakfast, still in a robe. My wife will be sitting at the kitchen table. I'll grab myself a bagel, maybe some toast (something containing wheat on which I can spread something containing dairy), and I'll sit down at the table. I'll then grab the morning paper and begin to browse over it while eating. I'll spot something funny and/or interesting in the paper and let out a small laugh that sounds something like "Huhh." My wife will not look up. I'll quietly clear my throat and make the small "Huhh" laugh again. She still will not look up. I'll go "Well, that's uh...well that's funny." My wife will slowly lower the paper so that only her eyes are visable over it, and then she will raise her left eyebrow. "Yes?" she'll ask, her voice full of contempt for me. "Well, I just saw this funny article in the newspaper," I'll reply. Her left eyebrow will raise even higher, possibly disregarding the laws of physics. "And?" she'll ask, the contempt in her voice not waining a bit. "Well, I just thought you might want to hear it." At this point she'll slam down the paper, the back of the finance page now smooshed against her bagel on the table. "So why don't you just come out and tell me the funny story instead of dropping all your little "hmm"s and "haww"s." "Okay, there were no "haw"s," I will tell her. "Oh that's not the point!" she will yell. "Y'know what? Forget it! It wasn't even that funny!" I'll yell back. I will hoist my newspaper up on front of my face, she will hoist hers up in front of her, and we will finish our things containing wheat on which we can spread something containing dairy, in silence. And this...will be the crumbling of our marriage. Bummer huh? Later.

Alright, well I know I haven't written in a while, but it's horribly slow at work right now, so I figured it's the perfect time to catch up. I was on the train on the way home the other night and someone's cell phone went off, and their ringer was the theme to the old Muppet Show. Ah, how great technology is.

I'm rather bummed today (not only because I'm stuck covering for someone, and thus, working on a Saturday), but because last night I missed Influenza: The Musical, the singing and dancing episode of Even Stevens. What kind of idiot puts a show on at 4:30 in the afternoon?! Granted, it is on the Disney channel, therefore made for kids, and kids watch stuff earlier, but even so! So now I'll have to wait til they repeat it whenever to see it. I love it when shows do musical episodes. Top 5 Musical Episodes of shows would have to be (in no particular order):
1. The very first time Drew Carey did a musical thing (now they all just kinda suck, but the first time it was cool.)
2. The musical episode of Daria (if only because Jake actually had a song entitled 'God God Damnit!')
3. Influenza: The Musical. Although I have not seen it yet, I know it will be great.
4. The episode of 3rd Rock From The Sun when all the aliens have different dreams, and Harry's is a very Buzby Berkely 40's song and dance sequence.
5. Um...did What's Happening? even have a musical episode? Dee, Rodge and Rerun doing a little song and dance number together? Maybe not.

Hmm, alright well I probably should go do some actual work. Later.

I was taking the el into work today (not sure how else I'd get there), and I started laughing to myself, imagining the recording sessions for the guy who records the stops. Like
"This is North and Clyborn,"
and then the guy in the booth leaning in on the microphone and going, "Um, Sam, could you do that one again, and like...more energy?"
"Yeah, sure Ray. *ahem!* This is Noth and Clyborn."
"Um...Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, that one was a bit better, but again, I'm not really feeling that this truly IS the North and Clyborn stop, y'know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I gotcha Ray, let me try that one more time."
"Okay, I don't want to rush you."
"No, no problem" And then in a whisper he repeats to himself, "This is North and...no wait, THIS is North and...and Clyborn....no, and CLYBORN!"
"Hey Ray, you ready buddy?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. *ahem!* This is North and Clyborn."
"Perfect. Very nice Sam. Alright, we're moving onto Clark and Division."
Oh my. Just thought that'd be funny. Oh Well. Later.

While I've always enjoyed the Police song 'Don't Stand So Close To Me,' only recently has it become a Josh mantra. While no one actually wants anyone to sit next to them on the el, at a certain point a vacant seat next to you becomes an insult, y'know? The train will get fairly packed, the obvious double-up will occur. Pretty much everyone on the train is sitting next to someone. It's at this point that my attitude switches from "Wow, that's cool that I've got the seat to myself," to "Why the hell won't anyone sit next to me?" It becomes picking teams for kickball in grade school all over again, and again, I'm last. Yet another issue to throw on the heap once I finally stop holding off the inevitable and start going to therapy.

So this was spookey...I was in Marshall Fields on my lunchbreak today - which, by the way, the one downtown is the best single department store on the planet - and as I'm walking out I think to myself, "Hmm, this muzak sounds familiar." So I actually stop to listen, and it turns out to be that Coolio song 'Gangsters Paradise.' What kind of society are we living in where Gangsters Paradise gets turned into Muzak?!

The smell of a lint vent from a dryer going out into a cold alley is a great thing. It's warm. It's cozy. It's everything Snuggles the fabric softener bear has faught for! Yeah, I SO need to go to sleep. Later.

Someone once compared my will power to that of a heroin addict who really wants heroin. I really wish I could disagree with this, but I can't. Okay, so the person who made the will power comparison was me, but that's really not the point here, now is it? The point is that I loath myself. If you could see my face right now you would be looking at an expression of mock suprise. Why suprise, you may ask. Well, because I'm suprised I'm not in therapy yet. Gah! I should go before I say anything worse about myself. Later.

People suck! And I mean that in the most positive way possible. I'm not saying that because someone has done something to me recently, or anything like that, it's just that...people can be such idiots sometimes, and for no better reason than they're an idiot, and if they just realized, "hey, I'm wrong," or acted out the healthiest option for themself, then they might be better off. This is why so many people are in therapy! People can just come to me, and I'll tell them the problem for free, just to improve this world of ours. Just a general announcement to people out there: If you haven't read Tuesdays With Morrie, you should. When someone suggested it to me I was all, "Bah humbug!" about it as you might be, but it's a really quick read, and as long as you're not a thickheaded morass, you should walk away from the book with something.

I need a content moment.

I'd just like to share two news stories with you real quick:

1) ..And this is sad: Dave Thomas, (yes, THAT Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendys) died today. I always thought of Dave as a cool guy (plus he did all that stuff for adopted kids, since he was one), and he was always funny in those commercials.

And 2) Well...just read it yourself: NEW YORK (AP) - Embarrassed CNN executives have yanked an on-air promotion that referred to anchorwoman Paula Zahn as "sexy" and was accompanied by the sound effect of a zipper. In the ad, a narrator asks, "Where can you find a morning news anchor who's provocative, super-smart (and) oh, yeah, just a little sexy? CNN, yeah, CNN", the narrator answers.

This is not only wrong because it hurts her journalistic integrity, but because if a commercial is calling any cable newswoman sexy, it should be that hottie on MSNBC, Ashleigh Banfield! Oh well...I can dream. Later.

I was at the store the other day (which was January 4th, let the record show), and they had Valentines Day stuff up. Valentines Day! That's a month and a half away! This country is freakishly obsessed with holidays, and my prime example of this is Holiday Man. Who is Holiday Man you may ask; well I'll tell you. Back when I lived in Wheaton there was this guy who lived a few blocks down from me and every month, for every corresponding holiday, he would decorate his roof, windows, and entire lawn with decorations for that holiday. Christmas was the worst. Though I do remember for one Easter not only did he go overboard like usual with the decorations, but on Easter day he stood at the end of his driveway in a giant pink bunny suit waving at people as they drove by. I SO need to move to France or something. Currently across the street from my apartment I have something that could be described as Holiday Man Lite (New Holiday Man - half the calories!). Still very disturbing. Personally I'm not one for putting up decorations, so maybe it's just me. I wasn't even someone who put up a flag after the whole Sep. 11 thing. My friend Allie even asked, "So, have you put up a flag or anything?" and I said, "The fact that you would even ask that shows how little you know me." Decorations: Bah! Later.

Went downstairs this morning and found a FOR RENT sign on the front door. Very curious as to who is moving out, but even more curious about who could move in. Suddenly had quick flash of 'perfect neighbor' moving in. They'd drop by to say hi, and I'd borrow flour from them, and they'd buzz me to let them in when they forgot their keys; oh what good times we'd have! ...In reality though it'll probably be some 73 year old woman who smells like old National Geographics and has 14 cats. Will definitely have to keep an open ear on the new neighbor front.

So this afternoon I was on my way home from lunch and was in a hurry to get back to work, and got into revolving door without bothering to notice that (gasp!) there was a 6 year old in my little quarter of the revolving door with me. I looked down at him and waved and said, "Hey," and he looked up and waved and went, "Hi," and the next thing I knew we were outside and his mother was yelling at him. Evidently he was amused to no end with going around and around in the revolving door. Ah, how I miss the days when that was enough to amuse me too. Now it takes web sites that run Flash and cable that includes 3 HBOs. As Steve Martin says after Woody Harrleson calls his Wacky Weekend Weathman, "not wacky enough," and, "too intellectual,": "Maybe it's too intellectual for you because you were raised with a banana and an innertube." Perhaps if I too were raised like that I'd actually have a decent sized imagination, rather than the one I have now which is the size of like...God knows, Mickey Rooney or something. Mmm, I should go to sleep. Maybe more sleep will equal more brain cells which will equal better imagination. Later.

Arrg! I'm releaved, yet frustrated. My bank account is finally back in the plus catagory (A definite good thing!), but I have the odd errie sensation that it won't be like that for long. The minus catagory has the same sense as that evil dead horror movie had, where they bury the guy in the backyard, and then like, a few hours later he's knocking at the backdoor, and they're like, "Didn't we just bury you a few hours ago?!" The minus will be back! Anyway, it's plus for now, so lets hope it stays that way.

DSL is down, and I'm stuck with regular dial-up for now, which is not horribly bad, but it's just tough to go back to. DSL is like us Jews in regards to the old saying, "Once you've had a Jew, nothing else will do." Well, DSL is the same way, and it never even had a bar mitzvah! Anyway, I should get going now. Later!