Well it's dentist day for me, and you know what that means - time to rehash old stories of trips to the dentist. Of course there was the time the woman cleaning my teeth told me I had inflamed gums, and suggested I try and floss more because I'm, "really too cute to have inflamed gums." Moments later when she stuck the sucky thing in my mouth was nervous and bumped it with my tongue, causing me to spit up on her. Most interactions with women in my life have gone similar.

And of course there's always people's theory that they should brush right before going to the dentist. I feel exactly the opposite! The last time I went to the dentist not only did I not brush, but I ate a scrambled egg panini thing from Corner Bakery right before. "Did you just eat?" the woman cleaning my teeth asked. "Yes, actually, I had a-" "That's okay! I can see it! No need to tell me." Ah, the dentist.

While we all know and trust TV Guide magazine, and while they are always informative, they can稚 write an in-depth and captivating synopsis of EVERY show out there. For your enjoyment (or not) some actual "that about sums it up" summaries of TV Shows at TVGuide.com:

Wheel of Fortune: Merv Griffin's classic game show began spinning in January 1975 on NBC, but achieved its greatest success in syndication during the '80s and '90s.

Americaç—´ Funniest Home Videos: A collection of humorous and unusual clips submitted by video-camera owners.

Family Feud: Two families try to guess what the 'surveys said' in the popular game show featuring head-to-head competition and individuals against the clock

Larry King Live: An interview series with the famed broadcaster.

5th Wheel: Game show in which two couples are set up on dates---then a spoiler is added to the mix!

New Adventures of Whinnie The Pooh: The misadventures of A.A. Milne's lovable `hunny' of a bear and his friends in Hundred Acre Wood.

Blind Date: Cameras follow complete strangers on their first social outing.

Planets Funniest Animals: Home videos, documentary footage and news coverage of pet pratfalls and wildlife blunders, from backyards to rainforests.

Well I was bored again the other night...and you know what that means! Project!

Last night's project included me kinda acting out scenes from movies and then taking a picture. The results vary. They took longer than expected, but the two I got done were Risky Business and Memento. The picture for Risky is here, and the one for Memento is here.

Yeah...there may be more coming shortly. Or if I'm too lazy there won't even be another blog for months, let alone a simple picture! Who knows.

...Not to crack down on the Asians here...
Yesterday, Micah and I were driving to the beach when we stopped at a red light. Out from the SUV in front of us jumped a small Asian woman who ran behind her car and opened up the back. She quickly grabbed something back in a bag, and ran back into the car, all before the light turned green again. "Wow, a real Chinese fire drill!" Micah exclaimed. Then, today I went the cleaners and Micah wanted his clothes done by tomorrow morning. When I told the Chinese woman behind the counter this she said the best she could do was tomorrow by five. "No sooner?" I asked. "If you brother wants his clothes back sooner then he should bring them in sooner!" she said. "Ooh, the 'tude on her," Micah said when I told him what happened. Jeez!

Well, despite one dispute to Micah's letter (Pat had said: The web site says it all! His initials are eMf, not just EF. Plus it's titles, not authors! This aggression will not stand! ...by the way, I'm looking forward to that milk), my previous ruling as to the winners of the "To Do List" contest still stand. And let us not forget, Micah is still getting the packet of those Listerine breath strips. If I may speak in metaphors: While that's nothing to write home about, it's nothing to sneeze at. And now more than ever - although I've said this once before - thank God this contest is over.

Well, as the old expression goes: You can make some of the people happy all the of the time, and you can make all of the people happy some of the time, but you can't declare someone you're roomates with the loser of a blog contest. That being said, I recieved an e-mail earlier today from my brother (and 4th place winner in the "To Do List" contest). It reads (very bitterly I might add):

A few thoughts on the contest submissions:

1) Carla: Charlie Trotters? here are some of the goofy things on there current menu:
- Salad of Poularde with Fennel
- Whole Roasted Squab with Rutabaga
- Crepe of Explorateur with Red Wine Stewed Medjool Dates & Pecans
- Steamed Halibut with Braised Pig's Tail
- Nino Banana, Mamey Sapote, Feijoa, White Sapote & Tamarind Sorbets with Lycees
- A Study in Honey: Napoleon of Apricots

2) Pat:
- Authors with the initials EF don't suck! Check out Edward Morgan Forster. He wrote Howard's End, A Room with a View, Maurice, and a bunch of other stuff http://emforster.de

3) Angela: Mafia Princess is currently in production. It is based on the life story of Tami Monnsroe, I think. The production company can be found at http://www.dnightingale.com/index.html

I'm telling you, it's like Florida in November over here! Chads are swinging and dangling this way and that! Now of course, an angry loser does not a contest revision make, but...the final say on the "To Do List" contest will be announced tomorrow, fresh on the heels of this new development. ...More news as it happens.

The late racecar driver Dale Earnhardt was said to be, "a man defined by his love of racing, and his wife and family." Former Vice-President Al Gore was once described as "a man defined by moral turpitude." I, Josh "Danger" Eisenberg, am a man defined by my blog. Flashback if you willÂ…The day: June 30th; The time: Morning. The blog from that day was when my brother came into my room to tell me about stealing the futon. He sat there, blabbing on about his drunken night before, and how he ended up stealing the futon, not to mention a quilt. Then, after he had spilled his guts to me he turned silent for a moment, looking over at me. "This is going to be in your blog, isnÂ’t it?"

And now, without further ado (but in fact with heaping scoops of much ado about nothing!) are the lists of things people want to do, never want to do, and even one list of something someone never wants to do again. Enjoy.

From my friend Pat:

Things to do in my life:
1. Give Josh a nickname in quotes (Josh "Danger" Eisenberg) : Done.
2. Become the head of the ACLU and bring it down from the inside (Any group that sues a school for allowing its football players to wear crosses one day and two months later sues another school for NOT allowing a player to wear a Jewish Star deserves to die, and vice versa)
3. Get to a point where without thinking about it I automatically pronounce it "Sammich." This will come out mostly when I yell, "Hey, Louise! Get me a sammich and a beer."

Things I don't want to do :
1. Acquire a taste for beer
2. Marry a woman named Louise
3. Ever ever ever EVER finish "Ellen Foster." Or "Ethan Frome." Or anything with the intials EF, which is shorthand for "painful, pathetic shit."
4. Get mistaken again for The Boy Culkin... Has not happened since Home Alone, and if it does, there will be trouble.
5. Grow facial hair. I don't want to, okay? I COULD but I don't WANT to. Shut up, goatee boy!
~
From Micah:

Don't want to do's:
1. Be a contestant on "Fear Factor"
2. Lose a fingernail (or a finger for that matter)
3. Develop a taste for anchovies, squid, or headcheese
4. Wear a thong
5. Get liposuction
~
From Carla:

List of Things I Want to Do
1. Clean the bathroom in a prom dress
2. Support myself by winning sweepstakes
3. Win a poetry contest
4. Eat at Charlie Trotter's
5. Have a house on the coast of Maine

List of Things I Don't Ever Want to Do
1. Go to my high school reunion
2. Be the featured singer of the national anthem at a televised ballgame
3. Speed Skating
4. Earn an advanced degree in Astrophysics
5. Create a mood with dry ice

List of Things I Don't Ever Want to Do Again
1. Have an affair with a married man
2. Eat more than my weight in ice cream
3. Be in the same room as Mario with a microphone
4. Lose a favorite earring
5. Climb Mt. Everest (See what I did there?!)
~
And last but not least (and not because it was sent in late!) from Angela:

List of things I Don't Ever Want To Do:
1. I wouldn't want to wear a bathing suit in front of people I work with
2. I wouldn't want the made-for-TV movie about my life to be titled "Mafia Princess."
3. I wouln't want to survive the nuclear Holocaust with the only other two people to survive being Jerry Springer and the Reverand Al Sharpton

It was hard to decide a clear winner for this, so here's the deal: For best "Don't ever want to do" I'm gonna say that Angela won. For best "Want to do" I'm saying that there was a tie between Carla and Pat. Angela is getting the phone cord (well, she lives in New York, and I'm not sending milk halfway across the country), Carla and Pat are each getting a carton of milk (soy for Carla), and for coming in 4th in a four person contest, Micah is getting a packet of those Listerine breath strips. Thank God this contest is over.

So yes, I realize that I haven't posted the winners of the contest yet (I've been busy, and I'm at work now so I don't have the entrees with me), nor have I given highlights from the pride parade. But, to tide you over with a tiny morsel of Josh life until I can post said happenings, here's a little something that happened the other day:

I was over at Dad's house and I was talking to a 7 year-old girl (or I guess as much of a conversation as I can have with a 7 year-old), and she asked, "Do you have a girlfriend?" and I said "No," to which she said, "Oh, she dumped you?"
"What? No. She didn't dump me."
"Yeah she did."
"Wha-?...No. I could have dumped her."
"Whatever."
"No, why do you just assume that she dumped me?"
"Nevermind."
"Well I'd just like to know why you assumed that. I mean....I mean I could have dumped her. It could have happened."
"Sure."
"I'm serious. I could have dumped her. I could have."
"Fine, fine."
It was at this point that I walked away from the 7 year-old.