So I watched Miss America the other night for the first time ever, and I've got to say: Not that great. First off, the show was hosted by Wayne Brady, who seemed to be under the impression that going from hosting his own prime-tim show, to hosting a show with women telling how they would "make the world a better place" is a step up. He opened with a beautiful redition of 'America, America', only to segue into a cheesy bass-driven version of James Brown's 'Living in America.' Wayne..for shame.

My early favorite was Miss North Dakota, who was very hotsy totsy. Then there was Miss South Dakota who was..well...hotsy NOTsy. Ah, what a difference north and south make. Miss North Dakota was quickly eliminated. It was all downhill from there.

My favorite moment of the show came when they were talking to the women who had been "kicked out" early on, and were being kept backstage. "How do you feel being out so early, honestly?" Miss Who-knows-where was asked. "I'm fine. Really. I figured it's all part of Gods plan." Let me tell you something honey: If there is a God and if he does have a plan, it doesn't include picking Miss America, okay? He's got better things to do. He's God.