As some of you may or may not know, my brother drives one of the new Beetles. That, of course being a Volkswagen, entitles him to the Volkswagen DriverGear catalog. This is the saddest catalog on the planet, reserved only for people who treat their cars better than their children. Here, some of the things you can order from it:

-A Warning Triangle, Safety Vest, and Life Hammer ($48.95, pg. 23). In case you get the urge to join a highway rescue team suddenly...and want the VW logo on your gear!

-Floor mats with the name of your car on them (Jetta, Cabrio, Passat)($71.30, pg. 24) This may come in handy when you get drunk, go home with someone, wake up in their Volkswagen, and are put in the awkward situation of not knowing what model you're in. Simply just look down.

-Gift Certificate to VW DriverGear catalog ($10, $25, $50 and $100, pg. 35). When you really want to convey the message that, "I don't know you. At all!"

-Plaid VW Boxer Shorts ($14, pg. 36). So you can have your car logo near your cock all day long!

-VW Logo Women's Silk Scarf ($37, pg. 39). Throw caution to your last remaining shred of style! Go ahead, ignore the pointing and laughing.

-VW Logo Bib ($16, pg. 49). ...As in, for your infant. So you can instill a fucked up sense of values in them from an early age.

-VW Logo Umbrella ($22, pg. 55). Bumper sticker stating, "My other umbrella is a Mercedes," sold separately.

-VW Logo Pet Leash($45, pg. 57). (when you don't actually have pets, can be used in Volkswagen bondage foreplay)