Today I'm going to start what I hope to be a usual Sunday night thing: A review of shows for the upcoming week. A guide on what to watch, as written by Dalton Ross (that's right, I'm stealing this, it's not mine...but I AM providing the service to you, so that's gotta count for something, right? Perhaps towards my community service?)

Monday, October 14
Hollywood Squares (Syndicated) Okay, let me get this straight: Sammy Hagar, Arsenio Hall, and Carrot Top - all on the same show?!?
Second City Presents...With Bill Zehme (Bravo, 8-10pm) Bravo's newest talk show bills itself as an "exploration into the minds of great artists," which doesn?t really explain why the first installment features a sit-down with Jim Belushi.

Tuesday, October 15
Gilmore Girls (WB, 7-8pm) Lorelai and Luke go to career day, while Lane dyes her hair. All brought to you by the letter L.
Frasier (NBC, 8-8:30pm) Frasier finds himself unable to entertain Roz's party-crazy cousin. Of course, anyone remotely familiar with Kelsey Grammer's past indiscretions may find that a bit hard to believe.
Best Damn Sports Show Period (Fox Sports, 9-10pm) You know what? It's just not.

Wednesday, October 16
The Amazing Race 3 (CBS, 7-8pm) Have you noticed in the show intro how twins Derek and Drew imitate the volleyball high-five scene from Top Gun? How sweet is that?
Ed (NBC, 7-8pm) We know what comes to mind when you hear the word jitterbug - "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." But Ed better have his mind on his feet when he enters a jitterbug contest.
The Twilight Zone (UPN, 8-9pm) Pick a Culkin. Any Culkin. Rory guest-stars here.

Thursday, October 17
Survivor: Thailand (CBS, 7-8pm) I love how they just let that skater idiot Robb strangle a guy twice his age and half his height. Survivor, indeed.
ER (NBC, 9-10pm) I don't know, but I have just never been able to get into hospital shows. Maybe it's because after a hard day of work - okay, who am I kidding, lets just say after a day of work - the last thing I want to hear about is Alzheimer's and kidney failure, two off the ailments starring this evening.

Friday, October 18
Hack (CBS, 8-9pm) Olshansky gets pinched for assault, but truth be told, the only reason we're writing this show up is because we just like saying the word hack. Go ahead, try it. You'll feel good.
That Was Then (ABC, 8-9pm) According to a guy named Nielsen, I'm the only person in America currently watching this late-80's-based drama. On the plus side, if they cancel it, I can stop being such a loser. In fact, it's probably already been axed.
Monk (USA, 9-10pm) Director Gary Marshall guest-stars in the season finale, and I have a sneaky suspicion that that little nugget of information will have you sprinting for the set.
Music Behind Bars (VH1, 9-9:30) The way I figure it, you can spend you time in prison either rocking out or being someone's bee-yotch. VH1's new series follows some jailbirds who sing.

Saturday, October 19
The Sixth Sense (ABC, 7-10pm) It took me two or three viewings to realize that Bruce Willis had just been shot by a New Kid on the Block.

Sunday, October 20
Boomtown (NBC, 9-10pm) Donnie Wahlberg sits around and reminisces about the time he shot Bruce Willis.
Theater of Blood (TCM, 7-9pm) The handsome, charismatic, riveting, resourceful, and, above all else, punctual Vincent Price plays an actor who murders his critics.
Emeril Live: Halloween Sweets (Food Network, 7-8pm) Emeril bams! the bogeyman with delicious Halloween treats. The bogeyman responds by kicking Emeril's ass.
Nature: Horse and Rider (PBS, 7-8pm) Apparently, whispering helps.
Young, Sexy & Royal (WE, 9-10pm) Well, I don't like to brag...
Dancing at the Harvest Moon (CBS, 8-10pm) Welcome to the Dollhouse's Eric Mabius falls in love with Jacqueline Bisset. Valerie Harper also stars, but gets no such love.