Feeling bored, have a few minutes on your hands, and hanging out in the southwestern area of our fine country? Well then do I have a game for you! Work today was dead, Nathaniel and I were talking, and thus, State Twister was born. First, you make up a card with a spinning arrow, like the Twister board has, but instead of colors put Utah, Colorado, Arizona, and New Mexico on it. Then (obviously) go to Four Corners (tha place where the four corners of the four previous states mentioned meet). Then, last but not least, spin the arrow and let the fun begin! Left foot Colorado! Right hand New Mexico! It's a great game for parties! Don't thank me now, just pass the word onto your friends after they get all tangled up trying to put their right foot in Utah when their friend is already stretched across Arizona, and is hogging most of New Mexico. Oh what fun times you'll have!
p.s. Parker Brothers, please don't sue me.
Well, I have quite an interesting blog update for you all. If you remember correctly, back in my 10.18.02 blog I waxed on about a friend of mine who knew a guy named Travis Freshner, who reported to the alumni magazine of his fortune of playing a summer tour with Bjork and becoming engaged to film and Buffy star Eliza Dushku. Well, it turns out that good ol' T-Fresh was lying about everything. Yes, he wrote the alumni magazine and lied about every single thing. That kinda sucks, because I really wanted to get Bjork's autograph.
Scene: me at work checking my e-mail
Coworker #1: Checking your e-mail?
Me: Yeah. It's always spam mail about how to refinance my mortgage, and online porn.
Coworker #2: Yeah, I hate that.
Me: Me too. I mean, because it's not like I even have a mortgage, and I don't...well, yeah, nevermind.
Coworker #2: What was that?
Me: I said, nevermind.
Coworker #2: Uh huh.
#319 on the list of things that makes my head hurt:
People on cell phones who listen with the phone in the normal position (earpiece next to ear), but when they talk they move the mouthpiece down in front of their mouths. These people are under the impression that because their mouth is two inches away from the phone, the person they are talking to cannnot hear them. We can hear you! When you bring the phone down right in front of your mouth it just makes you louder and more annoying than you already are! Keeping the phone where it was meant to be on your head is okay...it was designed to work that way! I mean, think! ...For Hannukah perhaps I should ask for something to take my blood pressure.
Picture the scene if you will: It's Sunday afternoon and Bernadette and I are driving home from a leisurely brunch. Bernadette decides to take a shortcut instead of facing the disgusting Lincoln/Paulina intersection. As we're driving down our shortcut alley we see a giant (standing, about 5 feet) gumball machine. Bernadette's Tracker comes to a screeching hault. "Was that a gumball machine?" "I think it was." "Do you think that was trash?" "It might have been!" She throws the car in reverse, as we speed backwards down the alley. We jump out of the car, laughing hysterically, trying to pick up the huge gumball machine, wet and muddy and very full with huge gumballs. We jump back into the car (me hitting my head on the base of the machine, cracking the plastic a bit) and drive off. And, to make a long story short, we now have a huge gumball machine in our home. Ah...gum.
It was bad enough to hear this (stupid?) comment once from a guy I work with (in reference to locating a book), but he said it twice: "Yeah, believe me, I'd rather find it than not find it." Well no shit.
Just in case you thought you might want to take drugs (legal medication that is) to make yourself feel better, I picked a few drugs at random and decided to list their side effects. Here are just a few (I really wish I was making these up):
-Xenical
Side effects may include:
Abdominal discomfort or pain, anxiety, arthritis, back pain, diarrhea, dizziness, dry skin, ear/nose/throat problems, earache, fatigue, fatty or oily stools, fecal urgency or incontinence, flu, gas with fecal discharge, gum problems, headache, increased defecation, joint disorders, menstrual problems, muscle pain, nausea, oily discharge, rectal discomfort or pain, respiratory tract infections, skin rash, sleep problems, tooth problems, urinary tract infections, vaginal inflammation, vomiting.
-Maxalt
Side effects may include:
Chest pain, dizziness, drowsiness, dry mouth, fatigue, nausea, pain, tingling skin, weakness, clouded thinking, cold sensations, decreased sensitivity to pain, diarrhea, difficulty breathing, feeling of well-being, flushing, hot flashes, jaw tightness, headache, neck tightness, palpitations, throat tightness, tremor, vomiting, warm sensations, acid indigestion, agitation, allergic reactions, anxiety, blurred vision, bone pain, burning eyes, changes in taste, chest pain, chills, cold hands and feet, confusion, constipation, dehydration, depression, disorientation, difficulty swallowing, dream abnormality, dry eyes, ear pain, eye irritation, eye pain, face swelling, fast or slow heartbeat, gas, hangover feeling, heart attack, heat sensitivity, hives, increased blood pressure, increased urination, increased sensitivity to pain, indigestion, insomnia, irregular heartbeat, irritability, itching, joint pain, lack of coordination, loss of body fluids, memory impairment, menstruation disorder, muscle cramp, muscle pain, muscle spasm, muscle weakness, nasal congestion, nasal dryness, nasal irritation, nervousness, nosebleeds, rash, ringing in the ears, sinus problems, skin peeling, skin swelling, speech difficulties, stiffness, stomach bloating, stroke, sweating, taste and smell abnormalities, tearing eyes, thirst, tongue swelling, throat irritation, throat dryness, throat swelling, upper respiratory infection, urinary frequency, walking abnormalities, wheezing, vertigo, yawning
Diflucan (amazingly, the least side effects I could find)
Side effects include:
Abdominal pain, diarrhea, headache, skin rash, vomiting
So you know how when you shop for books on Amazon.com it'll give you a list stating: Customers who baught this item also bought... Well, the other day I was shopping for a book on Amazon.com and not only did it give me a list of other books people who had bought my book had gotten, but it gave me this:
Customers who shopped for this item also wear:
*  Clean Underwear from Amazon's Eddie Bauer Store
*  Ladybug Rain Boots from Amazon's Nordstrom Store
*  Suede Headwraps from Amazon's International Male Store
*  Cheetah Print Slippers from Amazon's Old Navy Store
It gave me a list of clothes the people who bought my book wear! That's insane! ...Although, so far I'm really not enjoying the book, which leads me to believe I wouldn't enjoy wearing the Suede Headwrap either. So that was good to know.
I'm not sure if you knew this or not, but back in the days when I still lived in Wheaton I had two cats. There was the lovely, polite, quiet, nice one. And then there was Rudy. Rudy could lie on a bed (and keep in mind, he was only a cat!), and somehow he would manage to take up the entire bed. Entire. The only room left for me would be to teeter on the edge, which if anyone has ever tried, knows is no way to sleep. And he was a cat, and this amazed me. Likewise, walking the streets of Chicago, I have noticed that there are people (not cats, people), who can walk down the sidewalk (not bed, sidewalk) and take up the entire width of concrete. These are by no means fat people. I am not talking about the Notorious B.I.G.'s and Marlon Brando's of the world. Yet somehow there are people out there who are perfecting the way they're walking to the point that I have no way of getting around them, and they have managed to take up the entire sidewalk. Entire. Just pick a side and stick to it! ...Perhaps I should make up and pass out instructional pamphlets.
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