This history of the world, as told by Me and Abigail.

Abigail: Why don't you just e-mail me the file?
Me: I despise e-mailing files. That's why God created Direct Connect.
Abigail: That was God? I thought it was Al Gore.
Me: Al Gore just invented e-mail. (pause) And the frappuccino.
Abigail: Also, the spotted owl.
Me: And the element boron.
Abigail: And...um, shit...er...the lockbox?
Me: And five minutes later, the lockbox key.
Abigail: But then 5 minutes later Tipper decided that having the lock and the key in the same room was obscene, so she had to invent the parental advisory label.
Me: But Al disagreed, and Tipper got mad, and Tipper was forced to invent 'making your husband sleep on the sofa.'
Abigail: Which was all okay, because Al definitely hadn't invented sex yet. And, God willing, he won't ever discover it. Eww....those perfect blond children must be the result of asexual propagation, like a whole bunch of potatoes.
Me: And then Al said "let there be light."
Me: And it was good.
Abigail: And he divided the heavens, from the earth, but he forgot to divide the Judiciary branch far enough from the Executive branch, and thus he lost an election.
Me: Fo' shizzle!

The End