Today, a two-parter (gracefully blended into one, if I do say so myself) on my friend ___ (who wishes to remain anonymous for this blog).

___ came into work today, telling me that on Saturday, in a drunken stupor, she went into a Dominicks at three in the morning, grabbed a box of Maxi Pads and, thinking that it would have been easier than finding someone to come to the register and ring her up at 3am, simply walked out of the Domincks with her Maxi Pads.

I listened to ___ tell her story as she processed the daily newspapers and I looked over the new Newcity. "I hate that woman on the cover of the new Newcity," I informed ___. "Why?" she asked.
Me: Cause, she got her blog turned into a book. My blog should get turned into a book!
___: Oh Josh, who cares. Look at Bookslut.com. Her blog is still a blog and she's a big success.
Me: True.
___: Besides, don't listen to anything Newcity has to say. It's Newcity! It's not like it's the voice of Chicago.
Me: True.
___: It's not even the secret voice of Chicago.
Me: What is the voice of Chicago then?
___: Uh...the Reader.
Me: Then what's the secret voice?
___: Newc - I don't know! Shut up!

___ then stormed off. Oh ___!