The other day Kel and I got into an argument about the political beliefs of fruit...

Kel: I think bananas would be republicans.
Me: Oh, because of Banana Republic?
Kel: (laughing) Yeah.
Me: I don't think bananas would be republicans.
Kel: Oranges would be republicans too.
Me: No way. And also, I think if bananas were republicans then plantains would be democrats.
Kel: What's a plantain?
Me: It's a member of the banana family.
Kel: And I think grapes would be republicans. No wait! Red grapes would be -
Me: Kel, this is ridiculous!
Kel: No it's not.
Me: This is like when I was learning Italian and it'd be like, 'the pen is male and the pencil is female.' (pause) It's a pen and a pencil! It doesn't have genders!
Kel: But apples would be republicans!
Me: (sigh)