Last night was my first night working at Kit Kat, a swanky restaurant and martini bar up on Halstead. In what may become a regular feature here on my blog, here are things overheard last night while working:

Slow Drinker: I mean, I should just become a priest. I'm already celibate. And I've got the whole gay thing going for me.

Sleazy Jerk: (mid conversation) And I took the frosting off the cake! Well, every woman in there just looked at me like I was horrible! And I realized, I have got to change parties now, I've got to get out of here. Because I have no chance of scoring here anymore. I've ruined my chances. I've cockblocked myself!

Tan Woman: I just think that you and my sister had a connection.
Goatee Guy: Wait. By connection do you mean sex?

Guy #1: Hey man.
Guy #2: Oh. Hi.
Guy #1: What's up?
Guy #2: Nothing. What are you doing here?
Guy #1: You called me.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: About 40 minutes ago. You called me and told me to come here.
Guy #2: I did?
Guy #1: Yeah, you can look at my cell phone log. (shows him) Are you on drugs or something man, because you can tell me.
Guy #2: No. No I swear.
Guy #1: Cause you're weirding me out.
Guy #2: I'm sorry. I was at the Cubs game all day.
Guy #1: Oh, that explains it then.