A few night ago while out drinking, Paul (my brother's boyfriend, who I refer to as Helf, from his last name Helfen) and I were talking and I decided that we should have our own 70's cop buddy show called Helf and the Heeb.

Helf would be the tough, old school cop who brings his own brand of justice to the force, and I'd be Heeb, the young, plucky rookie who gets assigned to be Helf's new partner. "Jumpin' Juvies!" Helf would yell, slamming some reports down on his desk, "Don't saddle me up with this kid!" But all the chief would be able to do is shrug and say, "This came straight down from division. It's outta my hands. But hey, give the guy a chance. He's a good kid." And then Helf would look out the office through the blinds and I'd be sitting at my desk, making a bracelet out of paper clips or something dumb like that. "Jeeeeez!" Helf would sigh, smoothing back his hair with his hand and walking out to talk to me.

UPN, here we come!