The other night at the bar there was a little chart detailing what color meant what for gay men, in terms of wristbands or handkerchiefs hanging out of their pockets. For those of your unfamiliar with this, in some gay culture (not just walking down the street, but at certain bars) you can wear a certain color on a bracelet, armband, or handkerchief and that tells what you're into. For example, if you're wearing something that's dark blue, it means you're interested in anal sex. If you're wearing yellow it means that you enjoy water sports (peeing, for those of you who are that clueless). In addition, if you wear the handkerchief or bracelet on the left it means you have a dominant interest in whatever you're into, or if you wear it on the right it means you have a passive interest. For example, the color red means an interest in anal/hand insertion (fisting), and if a man were to wear a red handkerchief on his right side it means he'd like to be the fister, and not the fistee.

But enough about the background!

...Shane and I were looking over the list at work, commenting on how amazing it was that gay people had come up with such a comprehensive system.

Me: Look at what they have!
Shane: All us straight people have is hope.
Me: Yeah. We've really got it rough comparably.
Shane: You have to meet the person and get to know them and even then it's risky asking them to do stuff.
Shane and I working out a conversation: "I...kinda have to go pee...would you...I mean...could I...with...what? No? Oh! Wait! No! Um...Just kidding. Ha! Oops! No, please don't leave. Um...! Okay, okay, fine! We'll have normal sex. Okay. Yay!"
Me: Yeah, that's really the only way you can do it.
Shane: Yeah. No fun at all.
Me: Just a trial by error of finding that one person who likes to...dress up like a pirate to have sex. (pause) And that never works out so you just have to end up taking out an ad in the Reader under the weirdo section and get responses from creepy women named Tanya. It's no good!

Oh, the gays have it so easy!