Ed is at it again.

After my phone call two days ago from former New York mayor Ed Koch, I recieved a flyer from Ed Koch telling me to vote for George Bush. The flier was paid for by the Republican Jewish Coalition. Ed, again, you're a democrat!

Ed tells me (twice!) that Kerry is naive and that electing him would be a risk to our nations secuurity. Ed, you haven't been mayor in 15 years, and you're not even a republican! The last thing you did was a cameo in an episode of Sex and the City! Give it up man.

At the rate this is going Ed will most likely show up at my doorstep tomorrow morning. Ed, please don't wake me up. Come after 11.

Last night Edward, one of the owners of Kit Kat, was on Chicago Tonight with Bob Sirott. He was showing off our Halloween martinis and some soups and other dishes.

As Edward was preparing to leave for the studio it was the topic of conversation, as Byron, who was setting up tables, had no idea that Edward was supposed to be on the show.

Me: Yeah, he's going to be on Chicago Tonight tonight.
Byron: Oh, with Bob Sirott. I know him and Marianne Murciano. (For those unfamiliar with Bob and Marianne, they hosted Fox Thing in the Morning, a mid-90's morning show on FOX. Bob is the current host of the WTTW current events show, Chicago Tonight).
Me: Oh you know them?
Byron: Yeah, I ended up taking some classes with Marianne when she went back to school at Columbia. I e-mail with her sometimes. And I'm having coffee with her tomorrow.
Me: Really?!
Byron: Yeah, Marianne and I are close.
Me: ...Shit. I had no idea-
Byron: The celebrities I knew? Yeah.

Byron then went on to tell me how Bob was kind of a weirdo, and I told him about my blog talking about the New City article "10 Chicagoans We Love to Hate" and how Bob was on that list with others like Richard Roeper, Mike Ditka, and Joan Cusak.

Byron: But I love Joan Cusak!
Me: I know. But with U.S. Cellular she went too far.

Shane returned yesterday, stopping here in Chicago for about a month before he's gone for good. He came into Kit Kat and told us all about his adventures in Europe, most notably Latvia.

Shane: Yeah, and I needed to check my bank balance, so I went out to the internet, and it was like, no money.
Me: Went out to the internet?
Shane: Well you know, it was an internet cafe.
Me: Ah.
Shane: That's all they have there. It's too expensive to have the internet in their home over there. There's only like, one telecommunications company.
Me: Really?
Shane: Yeah. And it's funny, while we were over there another guy tried to start up a new telecommunications company.
Me: What happened?
Shane: He got shot.

Note to self: Never go to Latvia.

Yesterday I was sitting at home when my phone rang. As usual I let the machine get it.

Answering Machine: Hey, you've reached Josh and Bernadette. We're probably sitting here right now, screening your call. (beep!)
Voice: Hi, this is Ed Koch, former mayor of New York.
Me: Ed?
Voice: I'm calling because I endorse President Bush.
Me: Oh shut up Ed!
Voice: And while I may not agree with all of his policies, I believe that when it comes to protecting our homeland President Bush is right on.
Me: What are you doing!? You're a democrat!

I zoned out the rest of the message and let the machine record it. Oh Ed, how could you stoop so low. ...On the up side, I can now say that a former New York mayor has called my house.

5 days 'til the election.

The other night at Kit Kat a birthday party group was having a Cosmo party in the back room - the point of the Cosmo party that they would drink nothing but Cosmopolitan martinis. Byron was their only server.

Byron: I just have to wonder, do all these twenty-something girls actually like cosmos, or are they just doing this because of Sex and the City?
Me: (I nod) Hmmm.
Byron: I mean, really. Would these girls be ordering cosmos and love them if it weren't for Carrie Bradshaw?
Me: (I begin mixing up a cosmo for him) I don't know.
Byron: But you see my point.
Me: I do.

Sigh. Doesn't anyone just order a vodka soda anymore?

After todays outcry in the comments section I feel that I must point out that I was kidding when mentioned vodka sodas. I know that's the drink of choice for most of the women in my life. Kami, you simply raise you hand at work and I know you need a Ketel and soda. Please, ladies, rest easy. I was kidding. There isn't a cosmo drinker in the bunch.

With a week left until the election, I thought now was the perfect time to give you all a little a little political Josh morsel from a few years ago. I wrote the following back in 2000 as sort of a daily log of the election and news in general. Enjoy.

Campaign 2000

Today I was having lunch with Micah, George and Del. We ordered out Chinese.

George: Mmm, this is good. Where's it from?
Micah: That place Mars on Clark.
George: Mars?
Del: Yeah, like that candy bar.
Me: Or, oh I don't know, the planet!
Del: (smiles in embarrassment) Shows you where my mind is.

Oh Del and the sweets.

After a brief wild ride (that is, the comments on my blog) Natalie has been added to the blog roll call. Unfortunately, some may see this as an open invitation to harass me until you too make it into the roll call. So from now on, if you are not in the blog roll call but feel that you should be (though if you're not mentioned in the blog, I don't see why you'd make it into the roll call) please fill out the form below and e-mail it to me.

Name:____________________________________________________________
Age:_____________________________________________________________
Occupation:______________________________________________________
Mother's maiden name:____________________________________________
Why you should be in the blog roll call:_________________________
_________________________________________________________________
3 references and their relationship to you:
#1:______________________________________________________________
#2:______________________________________________________________
#3:______________________________________________________________

All applications should be sent to bergwithfries@yahoo.com.

Some girls like puppies and ribbons. Some girls have tea parties with stuffed animal friends. Some girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Natalie is not one of those girls.

Last Saturday, while bartending with Natalie, Kami said, "Oh, wish Natalie a happy sweetest day." Sure, why not, I thought. "Hey Natalie, happy sweetest day," I told her. Natalie scowled at me. Then when I turned she elbowed me in the spine.

Natalie probably kicks puppies when she walks home from work.

Last night at work Byron and I got on the topic of spooning.

Byron: Are you usually the spooner or the spoonie?
Me: I can go either way.
Byron: (the gay man that he is)Wait...with a woman?
Me: Yeah. Why?
Byron: Well I've never been with a woman. I don't know if they spoon.
Me: Yes, they spoon. They're people too. I've done spooner and spoonie.
Byron: Some girls are the spooner?
Me: It happens.
Then Frank walks over.
Me: Frank, are you usually the spooner or the spoonie?
Frank: I've never spooned.
Me and Byron: Ever? With anybody?
Frank: No.
Me: You're missing out Frank.
Frank then walks off to go help one of his tables.
Byron: And then there's spooning in socks.
Me: Ooh, spooning in socks. Good one.

Who knew so much could be made of spooning?

Last night I was watching the presidential debates on TV in Bernadette's room. In between me yelling at the TV Bernadette came in to change clothes, standing in front of the TV for a second. "Um, could you..." I started to say, leaning to one side to see around her. It was at that moment that I realized I was frustrated that I woman was changing clothes in front of me because I wanted to see two old white guys arguing.

I mean...that's not normal. Right?

Today I was walking down the street and happened to look over at a newspaper vending machine with a Spanish newspaper in it. On the front page there was a picture of Christopher Reeve with the headline "Adios Superman." It just struck me as sad and funny.

Adios Christopher Reeve.

Today, a little life tip from Kami...

Kami: If you don't want to have to wash dishes at your family's, all you have to do is break one piece of china once. I broke one and my mom goes "Get the hell outta my kitchen!" Once piece has kept me good for seven years. And when she gets a new set, first thing I'm gonna do, break one. That'll keep you from ever having to wash dishes.

This has been a little life tip from Kami.

Last night at the bar two women drinking called me over, I assumed to ask for another drink. "So we were looking at the other bartender and the barback, and we voted you to most likely be the most passionate lover out of the three of you." I paused for a minute, nodding. "Well that's probably true," I said. Then, not sure what else to say to that I asked if they'd like another drink.

I then told Dan (the other bartender, and less passionate lover) the story. Subsequently, his new nickname for me is Loverboy.

Oh how alcohol makes a job more fun.

The other day Bernadette got some Kudos bars (those candy bar things) which prompted me to tell my story about the time I was 10 and played Monopoly with my friend Kyle.

Me: And I kicked his ass at Monopoly, and was so rich that I was buying Kudos bars from him for $500 each. And I still won.
Bernadette: Of course. You're Jewish.

And then...

Last night at work I was mentioning something about calling my mom. Ramesh, one of the owners of Kit Kat asked, "You haven't talked to her in a long time?" "I talked to her about a week ago," I said. "She's Jewish, right?" he asked. I told him yes. "Yeah, that's a long time," he said.

Everyone just lay off the Jews!

Last night I was bored and decided to do a little photo project (ala my previous photo projects like reinacting movie scenes - Memento and Risky Business, as blogged about here). For this project, I tried to find out what the world would look like if I had been in a Gap ad. The results here.

Last week Bernadette and Ed (her boyfriend of a year and a half) broke up. Bernadette (and rightly so - I'm in no position to judge) has not been taking it well.

Kami: How's she doing?
Me: Eh, pretty rough.
Kami: Really?
Me: Last night I came home, and she was sleeping on the sofa with Sex and the City playing, two empty bottles of wine in front of her.

Kami's face turned from sympathy to shock.

Kami: That's just disaster in the making!

Sadly, Bernadette has moved on. She's now drinking the 1.5 liter bottles of wine. I've informed her that if she moves onto the wine in a box I might have to take action.

...Recently we've started drawing up plans that include never dating anyone. Ever. Again.

Tonight Kami, Steve and I went to go see The Forgotten. When I got to the ticket window I said, "Yeah, I'll take one for...um...uh....oh! The Forgotten." I had forgotten. Then the ticket guy handed me my change and I started to walk off. "Your ticket!" he said. Oops. I had forgotten! I should have taken all these signs to mean that the movie would be bad.

And then at the end of the movie it turns out it was aliens. And it was bad. The end.

p.s. Don't go see The Forgotten. It was aliens.

Kate and I talk about the wonders of alcohol.

Kate: I find myself craving merlot at around 9:30am.
Me: You sound like an alcoholic.
Kate: What are you, a doctor?
Me: Now myself, I crave cocktails at 9:30am.
Kate: Hmmm.
Me: The hell with cereal. Alcohol is where it's at. No more Captain Crunch, just Captain Morgan!
Kate: I honestly was pouring my cereal and just wanted to drink the rest of my merlot.
Me: Eh, that's a normal craving.
Kate: Phew!
Me: But then, I work in a bar 5-6 nights a week. (pause) So I sweat Stoli now.
Kate: (laughing) You're like a big walking bar towel.
Me: I gargle in the morning with Jim Beam.
Kate: Mmmm.

Today I added Google search to my blog. 'What does that mean?' you may ask. 'Well I'll tell you,' I may reply.

There's a little thing now on the left of my page below my links where you can search for stuff in my blog (with the help of Google). Lets say Leah wants to see all the blog entrees she's been in (as if she would be so vain). She just has to type in "Leah" and click the button below it and...well, I'm sure you people know how search engines work. Did you love my blog entry about the washcloth hanging on the side of the trash can but can't remember when it was from? Just search for it!

Josh's blog: Now more efficient than ever!

My regular column, A Little to the Left, is now up at Lifeduringwartime.net. The column itself is here. Why it's billed as "A column about love, relationships, and sex...by a jack of all trades, master of none," is beyond me. I don't even know what that means!

After reading it Kel voiced her opinion about the piece, justifiable seeing as how she was the topic of this weeks article.

Kel: Yay! I'm so fun.
Me: And why do you say that?
Kel: I heart republicans.
Me: No. Bad Kel. (sigh) But see, the thing isn't that bad. You were worried for nothing.
Kel: No, it's cute.
Me: See. You can rest easy now. I don't blame you, I blame republicans. Which still doesn't completely make it right. Kinda like the Nazi defence: "We were just following orders"
Kel: But following orders is kind of a survival technique.
Me: Don't rationalize it bud!
Kel: I'm just sayin'.
Me: (sigh) I could just see Kel the Nazi.
Kel: (laughs) Thats's really...not funny.
Me: At the Nuremberg trial: "But the uniforms were cute! (sigh) I'm just sayin'."