On my return trip from New Jersey my wine key was taken from me by airport security. "You can't take this on the plane," the checkpoint officer told me. "But...I...but...." I stammered.

"Sorry," he said, "you can't."

As I'm telling Kellie this story she says, "Well at least you didn't have the wine key on your person. Imagine what they might have done to you."

"On my person?" I ask her. "When did you start speaking in cop lingo?"