Today marks the beginning of Guest Blogger Week here at Berg with Fries. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the first entry, compliments of Librarian Girl.

When Josh asked me to guest blog for him, I felt like Jeff Probst must have felt when he got the call to co-host with Kelly when Regis was having his heart surgeried. I am pinch-hitting for an ornery but always lovable and much-adored host! Who will probably never speak to me again since I just compared him to Regis! Don't be mad, Josh. I just compared myself to Jeff Probst, so we're all taking hits here.

As I thought about what I wanted to say to Josh's readers, I thought "what do these readers come here to read about?" Should I write a witty post about cheese, or design, or wine, or-- let's face it--booze of any kind? Or maybe I should make a list. People come here for the lists! But why mess with what the master of these topics can write? What could I possibly have to say about cheese that Josh wouldn't say a million times better? Jeff Probst doesn't go on the Regis show and yell at Gelman. See what I'm saying?

So I'm not going to write about any of that stuff. And if this sucks, and Josh never speaks to me again, that really won't be much of a change, since Josh and I have never actually spoken. See, we're blog friends. For the uninitiated, blog friends are people who are friends only because we've connected through reading each other's blogs. And the fact of the matter is, Josh is probably lucky that he's never met me. Not because I am a To-Catch-A-Predator style scary-internet-pervert (maybe another style, but not that style), but because I have strange associations with saying the name "Josh."

It all started years ago. I had this friend, Jason, who lived two doors up from me. We had this relationship where we would try to come up with new and exciting ways to verbally torment each other. I wish I could say this happened in elementary school, or even middle school, which is when it seems age-appropriate to flirt in this manner. In truth, it was in 10th grade. Mature much? Obviously not. Jason, at one point, made a lame attempt to make fun of my name. Them was fightin' words, and I was not to be outdone. I tried to make fun of his name, but didn't come up with many options, until one day as we were playing frisbee, when I yelled his name out, all mangled, like this: "Yaaaaah-sone!" His ears got all red, and I knew I had hit upon tormentor gold. From that day forward, it was "Yaaaaah-sone!" every time I saw him. He tried to act like he didn't care, but it was obvious that he hated it. Hated, hated, hated. So I started to spread this around. I had other people call him "Yaaaaah-sone!" He took it like a man, very strong and silent. Which meant, of course, that I had to break him. After a week or two, I changed it again. "Yah-see, could you come over here please?" Yah-see. Doesn't seem that bad, right? But oh man. He couldn't TAKE it! "Stop! Don't call me that!" I spent a good few months calling him "Yah-see." It was good times.

When in college, I briefly dated a guy named Josh. He was one of those life-of-the-party type of guys, always the center of attention. One time, I was hanging out with him and some of his friends on a sunny summer day, and we were all eating popsicles. A drip from his popsicle went down Josh's arm, and so he gave his whole forearm a big, long, slurpy lick. "Wow there," I joked. "You just gave yourself Joshalingus!" And there it was again. His ears got all red. Mr. Center-of-Attention was embarrassed by Joshalingus! The 10th Grade Me emerged. I could not resist this. The tormentor was back. Every chance I got, I would call him Joshalingus. Why did I do this to him? Maybe it's years of getting made fun of for my name, or maybe my usually mild-mannered self needs to express aggression sometimes. I don't know, but it was uncontrollable. The more embarrassed he was, the more I did it.

Because of this, there is a part of my brain that has locked in the word "Joshalingus." I am unable to think of the name "Josh" without this association. If I knew Josh in person, instead of just through blogging, I am quite sure I would be unable to restrain myself from blurting out "Joshalingus" whenever possible.

Of course, knowing Josh as well as I do, if only from his blog, something tells me he might actually enjoy the name "Joshalingus." Which might then take the fun out of it for me.

This post doesn't make me come off very good, does it? Maybe I should've written a post about cheese after all. Ah well.

Yours in Guesty-Bloggerness,
Librarian Girl