Things I would ideally be doing when I run into an ex:
- Talking to a model at a party
- Winning the Nobel Prize
- Saving a dog and/or baby from a burning building
- Having David Bowie tell me he thinks I'm cool
Things I have actually been doing when I've run into an ex:
- Seeing how much BubbleTape I can fit into my mouth at once while walking down the sidewalk, causing myself to gag and slightly drool
- Trying out a new facial hair style that makes me look like a pirate
- Pretending my glasses had fogged up and I couldn't see them
- Buying a bedskirt at Bed Bath & Beyond
