Yesterday, as I enter an ATM vestibule, a woman passes by me, leaving. As I approach the ATM she has just used the machine angerly beeps and flashes at me, and I realize she has left her card in the slot. I grab the card, running out into the street and waving her down as she's stepping into a cab. "I love you!" she says, taking her card. I nod and say you're welcome.

When I get back into the vestibule the man at the second ATM - who has watched this entire occurrence - scoffs at me. "You shouldn't have done that, buddy," he says, shaking his head at me like I just screwed up big time. "What? Why?" I ask.

"How else is she ever gonna learn her lesson?" he asks, a superior smirk on his face. "Huh?" I say. When he doesn't respond I say, "I mean, wouldn't you want someone to give you back your card? Haven't you ever forgotten yours somewhere?" The man doesn't respond, but simply shakes his head at me and goes back to taking out his money.

Sometimes I wonder why I never have trouble getting a date, and then I remember that my competition is assholes like this.