Yesterday I walked out of my apartment and there, on the front page of the Sun-Times, was the headline, “Gerald Ford Dies.” Tragic? Yes.
But all I could think about was an old Saturday Night Live Skit where Dana Carvey is pretending to be Tom Brokaw who, ridiculously, really wants to spend the entire winter vacationing in Barbados, so he’s forced to record every possible news story that could break over the coming months while he’s out of town.

Oh Gerald, I’m sorry that’s all I can think about.

Yesterday on Christmas, doing our civic duty as Jews, Micah and I went down to Chinatown for lunch. We found a little place on Wentworth, ate lots of Chinese food (of course down in that neighborhood they just call it “food”), and then decided to do some shopping.
There was a little store across the street called Woks N’ Things (the Asian version of Linens N’ Things, perhaps?). Items that could be found there included, but were not limited to:
*Lightbulbs
*Candles that look like sushi
*Car fuses
*Woks (go figure)
*Scissors
*Chopstick sets
*A giant metal sign that read: “Danger Men Cooking”
*Bungee cords
*Paper lanterns
*Rubber dishwashing gloves
*Tin cookie cutters that looked like Chinese symbols
I think there should be a combined megastore called Linens N’ Woks N’ Things. It’d give Target a run for its money.

So after five happy years Blogger and I have split up. It’s whole “new”, “updated” whatever it is just stopped working as well as it used to. And you know what they say: “If it’s broke…”
I’m now with Movable Type, which is a great platform and a lot more flexable. The only thing is it’s a pain to copy all the Blogger posts over to Movable Type (not to mention the fact that I’d be losing all your lovely comments if I did so), so my first five years of posts will still exist over at Blogger, but can be viewed in The Archives.
Bascially, this isn’t really a funny blog, just an update. That’s why I put it the day after Christmas. I figured everyone would just be returning presents and recovering from eggnog, so why not put this here. Am I right or am I right?

CNN may quite possibly be the most Christmasy of all the cable news networks.
I mean, how else do you explain twenty straight hours of a 73-year-old Jewish man on Christmas day?
For the full Larry King Live marathon schedule click here.

This season Old Navy invites everyone to “Get Your Fash On!” Other catchphrases that can’t be far behind?
“Get Your Addicsh On!”
“Get Your Infecsh On!”
“Get Your Star Trek Villain Kha On!”
“Get Your Aborsh On!”
“Get Your Vaccinash On!”
“Get Your Quadripartish On!”
“Get Your Depressh On!”

Some people know that I have a secret passion to be a water sommelier.
“I’d recommend the Fiji with your steak, sir,” I would say to customers.
“The Fiji?” they’d ask, skeptically.
I’d nod, close my eyes and give a tight smile. “I’m quite sure, sir,” I’d say.
But until that day comes I’m stuck perusing the great site, FineWaters.com. They have articles and tips encompassing everything you’d ever want to know about bottled water. Not to mention a tiny little section showcasing water sommeliers (someday, oh someday!).
This article on the site about fighting hangovers with water is pretty great too.

Go read The Hanukkahfacation of the Holidays, a six-part plan by Josh Eisenberg and Kellie Sheehan.

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The other night I’m flipping through the channels when I find a show about a bunch of slutty women who have been thrown together to live in a house.
It’s late at night and two of them are completely drunk, taking swigs from a bottle of Jack Daniels, when somehow they decide to do yoga. Walking out to the deck with their yoga mats and sunglasses on (at night, mind you – how very Corey Hart of them) they start to set up.
“We are SO gonna meditate!” one of them announces.
I think I may have found my new favorite show.

This morning Pat leaves this away message on his computer: Ah, the pre-holiday three-day weekend. So, so sweet.
Me: Pre-holiday? Um, we’re right in the middle of Hanukkah. There’s nothing pre about this weekend. It’s here. Bam!
Pat: Once again, a noble Zing-Pat-King!
Me: It’s nothing personal, Pat. All the proceeds of Zing-Pat-King go to the kids.
Pat: Uh huh.
Me: I’m doing it for the kids, Pat!
Pat: Josh, I can’t imagine any context in which you’d be doing anything for any number of kids. Let’s not fool ourselves here.
Me: What about pedophilia?
Pat: Touché.

Last night at work Massimo and I are bored and come up with a list of songs that cell phone companies really should use in their commercials. You’re welcome, cell phone companies!
Out of Touch – Hall & Oates
Call Me – Blondie
Roam – B-52′s
I’m Losing You – John Lennon
867-5309 (Jenny) – Tommy Tutone
Can You Hear Me – David Bowie
Drop it Like it’s Hot – Snoop Dogg
I Just Called to Say I Love You – Stevie Wonder
We also tried to come up with songs for car commercials with even sadder results. Those don’t even get posted.