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Archive for July 2007


Life Coachin’ Ain’t Easy

July 27th, 2007 — 10:00am

You’re probably all tired of me mentioning Reggie, the guy I’m a life coach for. That’s why today I’m going to tell you about Kellie, the latest person I’m pulling out the life coach skills for.
Kellie has a couple assignments every week and has goals and deadlines set up, but in true Josh fashion I’m also forcing her to write a blog. The first post came out yesterday, and the blog is titled, “I Wanna Be a Writer, But I Don’t Wanna Write*.” Appropriate, no?
So head on over and check out another person I’m now torturing under the guise of “helping them be a better person.”

*The title “I Wanna Be a Writer, But I Don’t Wanna Write” was stolen from a poem my aunt wrote back in 2002. If she knew how much it applied here I don’t think she’d mind.

Note: View my lifecoach page here

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Meat Market

July 26th, 2007 — 8:43am

Yesterday Micah calls and tells me that it’s the grand opening of the new Whole Foods up in Boystown, plus it’s sample day, so it’s required that I get up there immediately.
The Whole Foods is huge, and the fact that it’s in Boystown makes it about as cruisey as the gym on a Sunday morning.
“Just think of all the Craigslist missed connections that are going to take place in here!” Byron says as we walk in.

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Steal This Idea!

July 25th, 2007 — 11:17am

First I wrote this blog about my idea for a dumb summer movie called So I Married a Tool about a woman who gets drunk one night and gets married to a hammer. Then, a few weeks later I find this:

So today I’m going to share my new idea with you, with the hopes that it will be a reality show on FOX by the fall. The idea? A game show called Think Tank Dunk Tank where really smart people from think tanks are perched above a dunk tank and asked really hard questions. And if they get the question wrong? You guessed it! They get dropped into the dunk tank.
Personally, I think it’d be the hottest new show of the fall.

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Zip Up

July 24th, 2007 — 12:33pm

The other day Micah and I are driving around a parking garage, looking for a spot. “What about there?” Micah asks, pointing at an empty spot.
“We can’t,” I reply. “Zip cars live there.”
“Huh?” Micah says. I simply point to the sign.

It’s true.

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Le Whoopie

July 23rd, 2007 — 8:03am

Last night I had a dream I went to a concert and ran into Whoopie Goldberg. She saw my Cubs hat with the “C” on it and asked, “Le Chateau?” “Le Cubs,” I responded.
“No,” she said in a French accent. “Oui,” I replied.
In all fairness, I did eat pizza with peppers and capers before bed. And if it causes me to dream about Whoopie Goldberg in French, you can bet I’ll be eating it again!

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Crystal Clear

July 16th, 2007 — 12:40pm

Byron and I are starting to get Fivefoldink greeting cards into a few retail locations, and because of this we’ve been on the prowl for those tiny plastic bags that you find cards being sold in.
That’s when I stumbled upon clearbags.com. Byron and I eagerly went to the site, looking at all the options.
And that’s when we realized we were looking at clear plastic bags on a website. Which, really, is like looking at nothing. Waiting for nothing to load, and then looking at nothing.
“Nothing!” Byron yells. “Enlarge picture of nothing!”
Behold the madness here.

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July 13th, 2007 — 10:39am

Yesterday Byron and I met up to play some tennis. I was wearing my Yale shirt (even though I never went to Yale) and Byron was wearing his NYU shirt (despite the fact that he didn’t go to NYU).
I take a long look at the both of us and shudder. Just think of all the imaginary money the two of us have spent on tuition!

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Color Preference

July 11th, 2007 — 12:29am

The other night I’m over at Kellie’s. She’s in the process of doing laundry.
“I couldn’t get to the whites tonight,” she informs me. “That’s really racist,” I say.
“It’s not racist,” she replies, “it’s just that I could only do the blacks.” “Now that’s racist,” I say.

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Rizzle?

July 9th, 2007 — 9:08am

This morning, while getting ready, I get the idea to text Bernadette. I write, “I have a fizzle in my nizzle. It kind of tizzles.”
Her response?
“Shizzle!”

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Allure of Apple

July 6th, 2007 — 10:11am

The other night Carrie walks up to me and holds up a bag from the Apple store in front of herself. “Does this make look more attractive?”
I eye the bag. “It kinda does,” I admit. What can I say, I’m a sucker for Apple.
“You should just find somebody and put an Apple bag over their head at tighten it. That would make them irresistible,” Carrie tells me.
“No,” I say, “that would suffocate them.”
There really is a fine line between irresistible and suffocation. Abstractly speaking, of course.

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