8.7.02
So I was at the website for The View today (Yes, the ABC daytime talk show; No, don't ask why), and they have a "Barbra's Mailbag" section on the site. It includes quick and fun questions like, "Have Meredith and Joy ever seen an RV?" "What's up with the pillows on The View?" "Is Joy dating Steve Martin?" and "Are there any other funny signs in the green room?" Then, out of nowhere there's a letter that asks, "I found my son's gay porn magazines. What should I do?" Yeah, like Barbra knows the answer to that.


8.11.02
I was walking down the street today and saw a small cardboard sign taped to an apartment building wall: "Dear Bike Theif, if you change your mind & don't like my bike, please return it no questions asked. Here's the key if you need it."

Ah...if only life were that simple.


8.16.2002
I was walking down the street today and I walked past the outdoor part of a restaurant. Sitting at a table was an entire family (mom, dad, brother, sister), and they were all putting on some type of lip balm. They weren't talking, they were just silently sitting at the table, some of them rubbing their fingers on their lips, and some of them just rubbing their lips together. It was kind of disturbing.


9.18.2002
I can tell you right now, without hesitation, and pinpoint exactly, why I am not a stud.

Guys who have girls say to them, "Oh, the other night I left my sweater at your house," or "Y'know, I left my stockings at your place last night," - those guys are studs.

The other day a girl said to me, "I left my voter registration application at your house the other night." I am not a stud.


10.6.2002
Scene: Sunday night. Micah sticks his head into the livingroom.
Micah: Hey, call me a cab.
Me: Okay, fine. You're a cab.


12.04.2002 This is Bull Shit
Sadder than sad, last Tuesday when the Bulls took the court for a game not only were they greeted by a season-low crowd of 16,823 (21,500 can fit in the United Center) but they were actually, according to the Chicago Tribune, "lustily booed off their home court." At least they have some smart things to say about their bad luck streak:

"This is rock bottom." -Tyson Chandler
"I feel worse than last year." -Eddie Robinson
"I'm at a loss for words." -Jay Williams (a rookie who has lost as many games as he did in three seasons and 108 games at Duke)

Currently, the Bulls, who have lost 13 games this season, and won 4. If I still had the ability to shed tears, I would weep for our crappy team.


1.19.2003 Troops Overseas Need Our Leather!
(The following discussion took place at the library between the old lady who sits at the reception desk, and myself. The topic is the new desk pad.)
Me: Ooh, new pad?
Annie: Uh huh!
Me: It's white.
Annie: Yeah, they couldn't find the good kind.
Me: The good kind?
Annie: The leather kind. We used to have those all the time, but not no more! All because a' 911!
Me: The emergency line?
Annie: No! 911! You know!
Me: September 11th?
Annie: That's right!
Me: We don't have a leather desk pad because of September 11th?
Annie: Yeah! They gotta...use that leather for other stuff!
Me: What? This isn't world war I, we're not rationing.
Annie: You don't know that!
Me: Right. We can no longer find leather desk pads. The terrorists have won.
Annie: Uh huh!
(later that day)
Kaytey: Hey, new desk pad.
Me: Yeah.
Kaytey: Why is it white?
Me: Terrorists.


1.30.2003 I'll Meet You at the Place Near the Thing Where We Went That Time
Was walking to the train this morning and decided to grab a Trib. After that saw RedEye next to it and grabbed one of those. Past that saw Onion and grabed that too. Suddenly felt like Holly Hunter's character in Broadcast News. If only someone had randomly come up to me and said, "It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you're the smartest person in the room." No. It's awful.