Friends episodes that never aired:

- The One Where Ross Gets Cancer
- The One Where Phoebe Gets Slipped a Roofie
- The One Where Everyone Takes Zoloft
- The One Where Monica Has a Prep Chef at Work Deported
- The One Where Joey Goes to an Orgy
- The One Where No One Drinks Coffee

Nicknames presidents may have given to their penis:

- Millard Fillmore - Ol' Filler
- Abe Lincoln - The Stovepipe
- Ulysses S. Grant - Union General
- Theodore Roosevelt - Big Teddy
- Warren G. Harding - Little Harding
- Harry S. Truman - The Dewey Beater
- Lyndon B. Johnson - The Gobbler
- Bill Clinton - Big Stogie
- George W. Bush - Lil' Dubya

Possible titles for Dennis Miller's next stand-up special:

- Rant Around the Clock
- For Rant: 2br, 1bath, new appliances, lots of light! Call Dennis
- The Green Ranter
- Rantasia! (note: A play on Fantasia, not a stand-up tour of the continent of Asia)
- Rant Asia! (note: A stand-up tour of the continent of Asia)
- I Put My Rants on One Leg at a Time

Frou Frou Cocktail or Sexual Act?

1. Blow Fizz
2. Piledriver
3. Creampie
4. Frothy Walrus
5. Bluebird
6. Drain Cleaner
7. Butterfinger
8. Creamy Screwdriver
9. Leapfrog
10. Fuzzy Banana
11. Shocker
12. Bukkake
13. Donkey Punch
14. Long Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall
15. Pink Pillow
16. Unicorn

Last week, taking a train out to the suburbs, I started playing a little game. When the train would pull into a stop I'd frantically start searching for a wireless network to connect to. I'd check my email, send out any emails I'd written and saved, and about 10 seconds later the train would start moving again. I like to think that it was a game of both skill and luck.

Some of the crazy wireless networks I encountered while zipping through the suburbs?

- Fleeee
- The Mainard Family Wireless
- Greenblatts!
- Run's House
- Noriega
- Clean Machine
- harpomarxx
- the moose
- I Gotta Have More Cowbell Baby!

The more I think about it, I'm really going to have to say that what CB radio trucker names were to the 70s (Thanks Smokey and the Bandit!), wireless network names are to the 00s.

But on a more serious note: Noriega?! For real?

Things a math nerd might yell in lieu of a swear word, if they were to get hit in the crotch:

"Hyperbola!"
"Rhombus!"
"Polynomial!"
"Fibonacci Sequence!"
"Quadratic!"
"Cosine!"

Terms most people know:

- A flock of seaguls
- A gaggle of geese
- A ballet of swans

Terms some people know:

- A flamboyance of flamingos
- A murder of crows
- A peep of chickens

Terms no one knows:

- A brace of grouse
- A trembling of finches
- A piteousness of doves

Terms I completely made up a yesterday (but could probably fool some people):

- A handbag of hummingbirds
- A carafe of sparrows
- A mailbox of quail
- A sit-com of owls

Album titles I would consider if I was in a mopey indie band and we wanted to give our album the title of a proverb with a wry and ironic twist:

"Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder"
"Strike While the Irony is Hot"
"Fight Dire With Dire"
"Better Waif Than Sorry"
"Look Before You Weep"
"Every Blog Has It's Day"

Things I would ideally be doing when I run into an ex:

- Talking to a model at a party
- Winning the Nobel Prize
- Saving a dog and/or baby from a burning building
- Having David Bowie tell me he thinks I'm cool

Things I have actually been doing when I've run into an ex:

- Seeing how much BubbleTape I can fit into my mouth at once while walking down the sidewalk, causing myself to gag and slightly drool
- Trying out a new facial hair style that makes me look like a pirate
- Pretending my glasses had fogged up and I couldn't see them
- Buying a bedskirt at Bed Bath & Beyond

Last night my Facebook news feed alerted me to this:

Top Music in the Chicago, IL network
1. R&b
2. Rap
3. Rock
4. Hip Hop
5. Coldplay

Really?

The other day I received a Facebook invite to a friend's law school graduation party. It dawned on me, as I sat in a coffee shop on my laptop, looking up 80's sit-coms on Wikipedia, that I had turned out very different than my friend who is the same age as I, is married, and is graduating law school.

To pinpoint where we may have strayed I Wikipediaed our respective high schools, trying to gain some perspective.

Who graduated from his high school, Benet Academy?

- Joan Biskupic, a USA Today Supreme Court correspondent, PBS Washington Week guest, and author: Sandra Day O'Connor: How the First Woman on the Supreme Court Became Its Most Influential Justice.

- Patrick Collins, a former Assistant United States Attorney for the Northern District of Illinois: lead prosecutor in Operation Safe Road licenses-for-bribes investigation, which led to the conviction of 75 people including Illinois Governor George Ryan.

- Robert Conrad, a Clemson hall of fame basketball star and Rhodes Scholar candidate who lead the United States Department of Justice's Campaign Finance Task Force (2000-01), which examined, under oath, the President and Vice President of the United States.

- Mark Kirasich, a Deputy Director of NASA's Project Orion Crew Exploration Vehicle, the new lunar vehicle for human spaceflight.

- Mark Obmascik, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist from the Denver Post: lead writer in the paper's coverage of the Columbine High School massacre, which won the 2000 Pulitzer Prize for Breaking News Reporting.

- Peter Petre, Sr., author of : Executive Editor at Large of Fortune magazine; co-author of Norman Schwarzkop's It Doesn't Take a Hero; commissioned to write Alan Greenspan's memoirs.

And who graduated from my high school, Wheaton North?

- Gail O'Grady, the actress who was on NYPD Blue and Boston Legal.

Suddenly it's all making sense.

Things I was thinking about blogging on today, but ultimately decided not to:

- How I've added some new people to the Fellow Bloggers section on the left sidebar (it could be you!).

- A New York Times article in which pediatrician and author Dr. Karp asserts, "Toddlers are not just small people. In fact, for all practical purposes, they're not even small Homo sapiens." Is this man calling babies little monkeys? Or, even worse, some other type of little animal?

- A new book I started last night called Twinkies, Deconstructed.

- Why I should care about socialists, facists, or anarchist pigs. It still wouldn't change the fact that I don't have a car.

Possible nicknames that famous writers could have been given in middle school:

F. Scott Fitzgerald - Fitzy
Ernest Hemingway - Big Ern
Gore Vidal - Blood n' Gore
Norman Mailer - Postman
John Updike - John "makes me wanna" Updike
John Steinbeck - Pussy

Famous film titles that have been translated into Portuguese and then translated back into English (which I completed with the help of Babelfish).

- It dribbles: Pig in the city
- One flied on the nest of the cuckoo
- 2001: A Odyssey Of The Space
- Dr. Strangelove or: As I learned to stop of if worrying and loving the bomb
- Butch small Cassidy and of Sundance
- It closes the meeting of the third type
- Assumption that has the coming to the supper
- Mr. of rings: Fellowship of the ring
- Who Has Distrustful Of Virginia Woolf?

Roles I'd like to see Christian Bale in (if only so he could relax a little):

- Video store clerk named Dave
- Adam Sandler's sidekick in upcoming Adam Sandler movie
- Jonas Salk
- Villain in Ocean's 14
- Himself in HBO First Look: Behind the Scenes of Ocean's 14

The gayest names a gay couple could name their twin babies:

- Jack and Karen
- Jetsom and Flotsome
- Ace and Gary
- Dolce and Gabbana
- Rue and Paul

For the longest time Will Smith made songs to go along with his movies (Men in Black, Wild Wild West, Hitch, etc).

So I thought, what would be some of Will Smith's more recent hits, had he continued to do hip-hop songs to accompany his movies?

• In Hot Pursuit (of Our Dreams) feat. Ne Yo and T.I. [from The Pursuit of Happiness, and sampled from Stevie Wonder's You Haven't Done Nothing]

• Legendary! feat. Cee-Lo [from I Am Legend]

• Robo Boogie feat. Sisqo and Jadakiss [from I, Robot, and sampled from Stevie Wonder's Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours]

• Butterfly Floatin' n' Bee Stingin' - feat. André 3000 [from Ali, and sampled from Stevie Wonder's Another Star]

A few months ago I wrote this post about things I'd named my wireless network in the past.

Recently I've been noticing what other people in my building have been naming their wireless networks. The highlights?

- I'mInURHouse
- youreatowel
- Eebingtonshire
- Bucky
- Fifi
- BehindClosedDoors

And what is my wireless network named these days?

Drop It Like It's Wireless

The other day I imported all the bookmarks from Firefox and Safari on my old iBook. It turned out I had accumulated around 300 bookmarks over the past few years, and I figured I should weed through them and get rid of the junk. As I did, here were some of the highlights:

- Diner Talk - A collection of 50's diner slang terms like "Adam and Eve on a Raft" (Two poached eggs on toast), and "Tip Toe Through Wisconsin" (To sprinkle something with cheese).

- Apple OSX Tiger Developer Trading Cards - The nerd in me is drooling over these. Drooling!

- How to Care for Ficus Benjamina - I probably saved this bookmark back in '05 when I still had Mike the Fike, may he rest in peace.

- My Life as a Shiksa Jew - Do I even need to explain this?

- Librarians in Comics - A surprisingly thorough index of times when librarians pop up in comic books. Again: nerd drool.

- Slice - A NY-based pizza blog, and the main rival when Kate and I started our short-lived pizza blog, A Slice of (Life and) Pizza! (Sadly, this is not a joke. For Slice's take on our rivalry, click here.)

- Chandler Bing Paperdoll Template - Could this site BE any weirder?

- The Virtual Toliet Paper Museum - Clearly I was bored the day I bookmarked this.

- Furniture Porn - Bow chicka wah wah...creak!

Things I would consider naming my blog if I were a goth, dark teenage girl:

- Emotion Sickness
- Debbie Does Depression
- Welcome to My Heart, Vulchers
- I Sit Confined in These Four Walls...
- Nobody Knows I Exist (except the 4,297 people who have viewed this site since July 2nd, 2004, according to the hit counter on my site)

I felt that K. would have some insight into this list as well. It turns out she did. Her suggestions:

- 16 and Writing Poems About Death
- Melancholy Disposition
- Can't Wait to Grow Up and Be Happy
- The Edge of Darkness: Downer's Grove
- S.A.D. = So Angry and Depressed
- I Hate Everyone, But They Don't Know That

Things I'm Considering to Keep Off Holiday Weight:

- Walking past a gym twice a week
- Bringing a healthy brown-bag meal to family dinners
- Hanging around with Jack Lalanne
- Cutting back my servings of mashed potatoes from five to four
- Switching to diet eggnog
- Not going crazy on the marshmallow Snowman Peeps this year

If I really wanted to make my mom proud*, some Jewish celebrities** I wouldn't kick out of bed:

+ Lisa Loeb
+ Keri Russell
+ Maggie Gyllenhaal
+ Rachel Bilson
+ Emmanuelle Chriqui
+ Natalie Portman

Since signing up for NaBloPoMo (I did it, and so can you!), I've discovered a hoard of new blogs that I've instantly become infatuated with. And the best part about these new friends? I'm guaranteed to get new material from them every day for the month of November!

Some of my new favorites are:

+ Moose in the Kitchen
+ There Are No Words...
+ Oh! How Lovely!
+ The Life of a Lovechild

...I somehow feel like Oprah telling you people what to read. Just don't expect to look under your chair and see a free copy of these blogs, 'cause it ain't happening.

Other possible titles to Gabriel Garcia Marquez's classic, which may have made the book less successful:

-Love in the Time of Syphilis
-Love in the Time of Restless Leg Syndrome
-Love in the Time of My Life (and I Owe it All to You)
-Love in the Time of Hammer
-Love in the Time of Hiccups
-Love in the Time of Incandescent Lighting

Headlines that were featured on the cover of Details magazine, leading me to cancel my subscription out of disgust:

-Are You a Rapist? You Might Be
-Why So Many New Dads Cheat on Their Wives
-Is Your New Baby Making You Gay?
-Why So Many Young Men Kill Their Wives
-How to Dump Your Girlfriend with a Lap Dance

And I thought I had issues.

Names I have previously given to the wireless internet network I set up in my home:

-Headquarters
-Three Guys from Greece
-Steven's Last Night in Town
-Shoes
-Two Brothers from Italy
-Like, Zoinks
-Steal This Signal

I'm thinking of changing it again. Suggestions?

Since Wednesday I've been in the suburbs, cat sitting for a friend while they are on vacation.

The list of places my phone has no reception includes (though is not limited to):

-The house I'm cat sitting at
-The local Starbucks (because it's the only coffee place in town I can get work done at)
-The movie theater
-The front yard and back yard of the house I'm cat sitting at
-The library

Marooned. That's what I am.

Actual names I've received email spam from recently:

-Fabian Olsen
-Dante Gilmore
-Bod McCray
-Marjorie Dunlap
-Biddy E. McCann
-Bamba Merit
-Mortimer Waters

Why do spammers think that these ridiculous names will fool me into opening their emails? Why?!

"Problematic Names of Women I Went Out With" OR "The Name Should Have Tipped Me Off That It Was a Bad Idea Before It Even Started":

-Melody
-Tanya
-Shawna
-Jadyn
-Kat

A list of ways to incorporate Yiddish into dirty talk, compliments of Lizze:

You really got me schvitzing over here.
You came. Mazol Tov!
Schlepp that gorgeous tuchus over here!
Do that shtik you do.
I want to lick you from your toes to your pupik.
Nosh on this.
Not tonight, dear. It's such a potschke.

Things that get better with age:

Wine
Cheese
Demi Moore
My certificates of deposit at Chase
Chuck Taylors

Names for restaurants that are actually just fronts for the mob:

-Trattoria Kneecaps
-McFuggedaboutits
-The Sunshine Bakery (Not Open to the Public)
-Horse Heads n' Sides
-Pasta You Can't Refuse
-Bada Bing Bakery
-The Godfeeder

The Least Exciting Natural Disaster Movies:

*The Breeze
*Leaves!
*The Medium Sized Puddle
*Dry Rot!
*It's Cloudy Again
*Flurries Over Aspen
*Tree Sap!
*Sun In Your Eyes
*Forecast: Overcast!

Possible Jewish Porn Titles:

Shlomo Erotica
L'chymen!
Rebekkah does Krakow
Manishovesit
Moses Maimonides: Rambam, Thank You Ma'am

Yesterday Massimo and I created a list. The title?

New Candybar Name OR Gay Porn Title?

*Nut-aganza!
*Dark Chocolate Surprise
*O'Galahad's Nut Explosion!
*Cream Fillerz
*Nuts n' Nuts n' Nuts n' Stuff!
*Chunk'a'Lunk
*Nougaty Boogaty

Top 4 Jokes That Have Gone Over My Dates Heads (names have been changed):

1. After Andrea announced that she was punk because of her fingergloves I said, "Well gabba gabba hey!"

2. When Rachael couldn't make a decision about what kind of tea she wanted, going back and forth between hot and cold tea, hot then cold, hot then cold, I started saying, "My daughter! My sister! My daughter! My sister!"

3. Lena tells me that in order to make going to a party more interesting, I need to dress like a "fun guy". I ask her, "What, you mean dress like molds and spores?"
(note: in her defense, she DID get the joke 10.3 seconds later)

4. While making out on Julie's sofa one night, I'm leaning on my arm in an odd position. "Are you comfortable?" she asks. I respond, "I make a living."

The following is a list of blog names that were rejected before Berg with Fries was decided on (Note: This list is actually not written by me. Rather, it was written by my co-workers on a day that I didn't work, and found by me the next day).

I Have a Berger in My Nose.com
Cheese Berger.com
I Heart Cheese.com
Harold Ramis Look Alike.com
I'm Not in a Relationship.com
What??!?.com
Don't Cross the Streams.com
My Life With a Fake Mustache.com
Who You Gonna Blog.com
You've Never Slept with a Jewish Man?.com
Is That Kosher?.com
OMG It's 3 O'Clock and I Have to Work and I've Been Doing Shots.com

Yesterday begat yet another rousing list of band names from Massimo and I. His list included such gems as "The Fiesty Dykes" "The Jailed Lawyers" and "The Paralyzed Breakdancers".

My list includes (though I've left a few of the bad ones out):

Seth and Taxes (can only really be used by a guy named Seth)
Kicking Rick
Mas and the Mo's*
The No No No's*
The Toy Collectors
Rambo's Bandana
Sticks and Stones
The Egg Beaters
The Sleeping Watchmen
The Side Dishes
The 2 for $2's*
To Helsinki in a Handbasket
The Don't Boo's*
Gems Bond
The Tick Tocks
Mmm, Chai
The Which Way Did They Go?s
George Foreman and the Grills
Clambake Jones and the Cocktail Sauces
The Sheriff Shooters
This is Your Captain Speaking
Give Fleece a Chance
The Hiccups
The Sneaking Suspicions
The Fellators
The Necrophiliacs Next Door
The Peeping Moms

*(Yes, I realize that an apostrophe is not proper grammer in some of the band names, but the names looked funny - as they ended in an O - and could be misread if an apostrophe was not placed before the S.)

The other night Kellie invited me to a reading by Sophia Kinsella, the author of the Shopaholic book series.

"A chic-lit book reading on a Tuesay night..." my doorman commented as I left my building. "I know, I know," I said. "It's an exciting life I lead."

Once at the reading we saw other books by Kinsella, including some she'd written under the name Madeleine Wickham.

"I wonder what my name would be if I was a female British author?" I wondered aloud. Kellie rolled her eyes.

*Sylvia Copperbottom
*Angela Smithwick
*Belinda Gobbledegook
*Charlotte Furthermore
*Elizabeth Sausagestone
*Margaret Hickupery
*Regina Honksalot

New reality shows from the creators of So You Think You Can Dance?

*So You Think You Can Cook?
*So You Think You Can Use a Nail Gun?
*So You Think You're Better Than Me? Huh, Punk?
*So You Think I Look Fat in These Pants?
*So You Think, Therefore You Are?

Bands That Never Made It. A List by Josh & Massimo

*The Tax Deductors
*The Sammy Davis Jr. Mints
*Frodo Goes Bowling
*The Melancholy Clowns
*Underwater Farts
*The Manchurian Cantaloupe
*Touch Your Toes, Grandma!
*Justice of the Piece
*The Honeymooners
*O.J.'s Knife

The most expensive items on the menu:

*Hardboiled faberge eggs.

*White stallion fillets.

*Unicorn tenderloins.

*Panda feet.

*Scrambled dinosaur eggs.

*Cobra in poison sauce.

*Spit-roasted bald eagle.

Rejected phone numbers for Jenny:

867-5308
912-5937
704-1160
801-7026
385-9304

We all know Justin Timberlake is bringing sexy back. Five things I plan on bringing back:

*Giant tennis racket snow shoes.
*The expression "That's applesauce!"
*A pair of khakis from the gap that were a little too short in the leg, in exchange for store credit.
*The white man's overbite.
*Classic episodes of the 1990-1997 NBC sitcom Wings, thanks to the DVD boxed set I received for Hanukkah.

Seven Plays I'm Seriously Considering Writing:

*Life After Day: The Final Days of Sandra Day O'Connor.
*Clomp!
*Do You Sleep? An Insomniac Love Story Musical Set to Lisa Loeb Songs.
*We Skipped the Light, Fandango: The Story of Fandango Jones, Amateur Cat Burglar.
*Iran Contra-diculous!
*Duran, Duran. An imagined meeting between Frank Duran, inventor of the spork, and Alexander T. Duran, British industry titan of the late 1800's.
*Montepulciano: The Wine That Exausted Mouths Around the World.

A month or two ago Absolut introduced their newest flavor, Pear. Really?

So the other night at work we came up with a list of Absolut flavors that didn't make the cut. Maybe next year.

Absolut Beef Jerky
Absolut Snot
Absolut Butter Substitute
Absolut Snails
Absolut Foie Gras
Absolut Gym Socks
Absolut Asparagus
Absolut Baba Ganoush
Absolut Ranch Dressing
Absolut Bloomin' Onion

Songs That Should Never Be On the Playlist at a Wedding Reception:

I Want to Break Free
The Thrill is Gone
Use Me
What's Love Got to Do With It?
Love Hurts
Tempted

A History of Overacting: The Career of Elisha Cuthbert:

2001-2006: Kim Bauer, 24
2003: Carol-Anne, Love Actually
2004: Danielle, The Girl Next Door
2005: Carly, House of Wax
2006: Lead Singer of Weeze, Weezer music video for 'Perfect Situation'

In my first Chicago apartment the bathroom didn't have towel bars. Instead, there were big hooks on the north wall of the bathroom to hold our towels. Above each hook was a small metal label holder, the kind you find on the front of big, sturdy magazine boxes in order to properly indentify the contents of the box. You know, Scientific America, 1995. We had one above each hook. This way Micah and I could tell whose towel was whose by having our hooks labeled (not to mention for identification of the hooks being used by each and any of our houseguests and "houseguests").

Last night, while cleaning out an old box of things, I came across labels I had made up to slide into the holders above the hooks. Aside from "Micah" and "Josh" some of the labels I had made included:

"Secretly Likes Chevy Chase"
"One of Charlie's Angels"
"1/3 Jamaican"
"Kevin Bacon"
"Never Admits to Farting"
"Tapioca for Brains"
"Your Worst Nightmare!"
"Santa's Little Helper"
"Yo Mama!"
"Could Stand to Lose 5 lbs."
"Ran Out of Condoms Last Night"
"An Original Baywatch Cast Member"

Word on the street (and by 'street' I mean 'Kellie') is that Gap is going to continue their PRODUCT (RED) campaign, regularly coming out with new slogans on their t-shirts. This got me thinking. The result? Rejected PROJECT (RED) t-shirts:

BAD TEMPE(RED)
SELF HAT(RED)
BATTERY POWE(RED)
DOG EA(RED)
BROAD SHOULDE(RED)
HEARING IMPA(RED)
TROUSE(RED)
CROSSB(RED)
UNENCUMBE(RED)
SALT CU(RED)

This season Old Navy invites everyone to "Get Your Fash On!" Other catchphrases that can't be far behind?

"Get Your Addicsh On!"

"Get Your Infecsh On!"

"Get Your Star Trek Villain Kha On!"

"Get Your Aborsh On!"

"Get Your Vaccinash On!"

"Get Your Quadripartish On!"

"Get Your Depressh On!"

Last night at work Massimo and I are bored and come up with a list of songs that cell phone companies really should use in their commercials. You're welcome, cell phone companies!

Out of Touch - Hall & Oates
Call Me - Blondie
Roam - B-52's
I'm Losing You - John Lennon
867-5309 (Jenny) - Tommy Tutone
Can You Hear Me - David Bowie
Drop it Like it's Hot - Snoop Dogg
I Just Called to Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder

We also tried to come up with songs for car commercials with even sadder results. Those don't even get posted.

My favorite mistakes:

*Dying my hair blonde for picture day. (1997)
*The Sheryl Crow song, My Favorite Mistake. (1998)
*Having a friend set me up for a blind date to Homecoming. (1999)
*Thinking, "A little smoke from under the hood of the car can't be that bad." (2000)
*Thinking that someone I meet in a bar has a good chance of turning into a long-term relationship. (2000-present)
*Attending Columbia. (2001)
*Saying to a woman, "I don't mind that you're a Republican." (2002)
*My impromptu cross-country train trip to Reno. (2005)
*Those black pants I bought at Crossroads. (2006)

Awkward yet acceptable dubs for the next Star Trek movie, if it were to have swears that would need to be re-dubbed for a network television airing.

"What the [ferengi] are you doing up there?"

"Like [spock] I will!"

"[Phaser] you and the [federation] ship you rode in on!"

"You bet your [dilithium crystals] I'm mad!"

"Shut the [borg] up!"

Again, bored at work, Massimo and I go to work on making lists. This time, it's creating new band names by putting together two different things (two words from one thing, two words from a second thing, ideally three words altogether). These were the new band names we came up with. Enjoy.

*Albert Brooks Brothers
*Burger King Kong
*Tommy Lee Harvey Oswald
*SBCBS
*Dental Plan B
*Michael Jackson Browne
*Dr. Strangelove is All You Need
*Aaron Spelling Bee
*David Lynch Mob
*Johnnie Walker Texas Ranger
*Burt Bacharach of Lamb

[note: this idea was originally used in Dave Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, where Eggers cited the band names Van Gogh Dog Go, Kajagoogubernatorial Process, JFKFC and Spike Lee Major Tom Dick and Harry Connick Jr. Mints]

The other day at work Massimo and I came up with a list of movie sequels that should never be made. They are:

*Speed 3: Outta Control Scooter!
*Back to the Future IV: Return to Last Tuesday
*The Santa Clause 4: The Personal Injury Clause
*James Bond: The Yesterday That Lasted Forever
*Ocean's 14: Tess Pops Out Some Kids!
*Mission Impossible 4: Save Tom Cruise's Career
*Star Trek 13: The Quest for Dignity
*Under Siege 3: Steven Segal's Hip Replacement Surgery Under Siege
*Ernest Goes to AA
*Star Wars Episode VII: Wookie Madness
*Jay & Silent Bob Go on Welfare
*The Great Muppet Orgy

Any I'm missing?