The other day I took Byron along to the new place to help me measure and take pictures of things before I move in. Only I kept noticing Byron in the shots.

As I was looking over the photos later I began to see things as if they were a sit-com, and Byron would be the next door neighbor who wouldn't leave us alone.

"Oh, hey neighbor! Don't mind if I stop by, do ya?! Great, I just ordered a pizza! Let's get comfy on the couch! I brought Scrabble too!

"Hey, you don't mind if I measure in here, do ya? I'm supposed to have a hot tub delivered tomorrow but my place is kinda cramped right now. You don't mind if I park the ol' tub here for a while, do ya? It'll fit perfectly. And you won't even know it's here. You'd really be doing me a solid."

...I don't know what caption to put after this photo, it's just too weird. Please just insert your own.

I'm somewhat of a chef. And by chef I mean I know how to turn on my oven. Kind of.

My favorite thing to cook? Pizza. And over the years I've had a few experimental cases. First there was the radioactive pizza (kudos to Micah for suggesting I use black olives instead of black beans):

Then there was my eight layer pizza which included several different kinds of cheese, red and green peppers, tomatoes, onions, Doritos, mashed potatoes and a few other things I can't remember (and probably don't want to). Man, oh man, did I have a stomach ache after that.

My next attempt looks relatively normal by comparison. If I remember correctly it was made with alfredo sauce, tomatoes, asparagus and parmesan. Truly, the only sane entry on this list.

Lastly there was my try at pizza soup, which was really just a bread bowl made with pizza dough, filled with tomato soup and covered with melted cheese. Still, why eat pizza with your hand when you can eat it with a spoon? No, seriously, I'm asking.

So Byron's gone all religious, haven't you heard? Oh sure! Need proof? Just check out his latest informative pamphlet.

Just try finding a bus seat without one of these babies on it!

So my blogging has been kinda sparse lately. "What gives?" you may be wondering. Or, if you're the prickly type, "What the hell, Josh?! I need some blog!" Well I'm sorry, I've been busy. But what have I been doing?

I've done a little bit of switching places with Byron (I imagine he's probably the Kirk Cameron and I'm the Dudley Moore*):

There was also a lot of quality time with the ol' Metalallergist:

There were days of apartment hunting, of which this was the cumulative effort:

(more on that later, folks)

And of course there's always some of THIS to be done:

All that business kinda leaves me feeling like this:

But I'll be able to relax about mid-October. Whew!

Conversations Bernadette and I have recently had that make me believe we're on our way to becoming a vaudeville act:

1. The other day she texts me, saying "I wish they'd fix these trains!" I respond, "You mean so they don't keep breeding and having baby trains?"

Ba-dum-CHING!

2. Bernadette occasionally calls me from work and asks me to look up things for her online. Yesterday she called, asking, "Is your computer running?" "Yeah," I responded. She yelled: "Well then you better catch it!"

Wakka wakka!

If we were to take this show on the road I like to think we'd call ourselves Bernstein & Berg and we'd look something like this:

Back in 2001, when I was just a wee lad, I got a webcam. The fact that there's now a webcam the size of a Tic Tac built-in above the screen of my laptop makes me wonder why I was so excited for something that was the size of a lemon. And yet I was.

Going through some old folders the other night I found a random project I had done (but really, aren't all my projects random?), and thought I'd share it with you kind folks.

Without further ado, my 2001 webcam project (also, please don't act that I was trying to do in any of these photos, because I'm not completely sure myself):

A while back I read something in a magazine about this Photoshop technique wherein you can make things look like miniatures. Basically you take the background out of focus, punch up the front a bit, and voilà! Real world pictures look like a miniatures. So I decided to fool around with this technique on a couple of pictures. For example:

Itty Bitty Basketball Game

I think this one is the most convincing picture I've done. They really look like tiny plastic basketball players, don't they?

Tiny Sun Salutations

I think that's the name of the pose they're doing. It could The Swarthy Monkey for all I know. This one isn't as good - it's too close up and you can see her face and skin too clearly which makes it less convincing.

Mini Barack

I like to believe that Barack could still beat McCain if he were plastic and less than an inch tall.

For today's Photo Essay Tuesday I dug deep into the archives and found an old picture of Byron and I.

Byron and I were clowning around after one of his 2nd Story shows - Byron posing like Tyra and me doing his visual PR. Only the more I stared at the photo I the more I kept thinking, "Why does this look so familiar?"

And then it struck me.

Crap.

Over the years I've had many, many jobs. And to celebrate Bring Your Blog Readership to Work Day I thought I'd share some of those jobs with you.

Back in the 80's I worked on Wall Street for a while. I drove a hard bargain, but sadly after my third heart attack I had to quit.

After that I moved to Seattle and became a barista. I could sling a mean cuppa joe. No, seriously. I'd throw cups of coffee at customers. I got fired right away.

Then I tried house painting for a bit. But you know what ended up getting painted? My wallet!*

I settled on being a dog trainer after that. Above is a shot of me right before I got my face ripped off by a client. Literally.

Finally I ended up as a UPS delivery guy, and was proud that I could coin the phrase, "What can Brown do for you, sweet cheeks?"

I think that by now most of you know my penchant for starting websites (or at least attempting to).

There was the pizza blog, A Slice (of Life) and Pizza. That died kinda quickly.

Then there was Stalkr. That too died a quick death.

And does anyone even remember InterestingPeopleOnly.com?

Well now I've started a new one: YourFaceIsStupid.com. Mostly this began out of disbelief that no one had taken the name yet. "It's such a great domain!" I thought to myself. So I bought it. But then, what to do with it?

So I've started accepting pictures of people's stupid faces and posting them.

Below is just a sample of some of the beautiful mugs you'll find by visiting YourFaceIsStupid.com:

And just how can you get involved? Just email your photo to submit@yourfaceisstupid.com and sit back to enjoy the benefits. And by 'benefits' I mean 'ridicule from your friends'. Sorry, sometimes my English doesn't translate too well.

So remember a while back when I wrote that article about giving up my TV?

Well even after I had canceled my cable I still had my TV just sitting there.

So the past weekend I finally thought, It's just taking up space now. I should get it out of of here.

So I did. And what's taking its place?

That's right, I'm taking a huge step backward. Not only will I not be able to sit back and watch something, I'll have to write my own something. On a typewriter.

Did I ever tell you guys abut the time I ran for Wine Glass Commissioner?

It was actually a pretty big deal. Posters were put all over the city. Needless to say I won by a landslide and my political career took off.

But then the media started in on me, watching my every move and catching me at my worst.

Pretty soon it got so bad that my party asked me to resign, and I was forced into this reclusive life of blogging that I live now.

But for a while...Ah, for a while I was Wine Glass Commissioner. And the best part about it? The Franking Privileges!

The other day I was on The Bob Newhart Show. Man, oh man, did we have some laughs.

Of course eventually, as it always does, the conversation turned serious.

Leaving the show I was mobbed my paparazzi and had to hide my face.

Escaping the cameras, I hunkered down and found solace (or something that looks like confusion, judging by my face) in a drink.